Intimacy with Jesus. I am believing more and more every day...particularly while I'm in Israel, that intimacy with Jesus is what this life is all about. The struggle I keep going through is not a struggle to believe that premise...but to apply it. Out of intimacy springs everything of life...everything beautiful and of worth. I want my life to reflect all of those things, but it is very easy for me to slip into a pursuit of the fruit of a life of intimacy...rather than the life itself. It's a constant battle for me. It's so subtle, but so strong. It's the difference between bondage and freedom.
Maybe it's because it requires yielding, relinquishing control...I don't do that well AT ALL! I believe that our lives as Believers are meant to be marked with the miraculous...signs, wonders, miracles. Jesus' life looked like this, the Believers' lives in the first century church looked like this, I've heard testimony after testimony of Believers' lives throughout history looking like this, the lives of many friends I know now look like this. My life is meant to look like this. It is. But getting from point A to point B is where my understanding breaks down. I get confused, I get frustrated, I get distracted, and perplexed. Oh how desperately my logical analytical mind wants a formula to this intimacy and access to God's power in my life. But praise God, He isn't like that! Lord break this servant. Confound my mind...until I can rely NOT on my on understanding.
My prayer for these last four days in Israel is that God would do just that. The sites I've seen have forever impacted my life, but more than that, encountering the Living God in HIS land and in the lives of radical hungry Believers has compounded my desire to give everything for You Lord! This trip has, thus far, been a time of breaking off strong holds, challenging me to greater depths of faith and boldness...and still risk...always to risk. All of that, but still centered on intimacy with Jesus. I honestly have no idea what that means...what that looks like, but I've seen too much in the lives of those God has placed around me to not hunger deeply for that kind of abundant life. It really ruins you for anything less. Oh God would you wreck us, give us such a hunger for Your fullness that we give all of ourselves, completely sell out to You!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
risk!
"He doesn't reward success, He rewards risk!" That's an interesting thought to ponder, especially as I work through 40 days of preparation to go to Israel in June. The part of the prep process I'm on right now is called "Holiness and Cleansing"...and I have to say, I certainly feel some shaking going on as He gets this house in order!
Did you know that there is a healing revival happening right now in Lakeland Florida? I first heard about this several weeks ago, but only today have I sat down to check it out. Why? Don't I believe that God is all about the miraculous...have I not been telling anyone who would listen to me that I just know God is stirring up something new, something unprecedented in these days? So why does a "healing revival" still make me nervous? Anyone who has known me for about 5 minutes would know that my favorite pastor these days is Bill Johnson. I was thinking today about why he appeals to me so much. He's very mellow, calm, not dramatic or weird, he seems utterly normal. God has blessed him with such profound, deep, revelations about who God is and what He's doing these days that resonate deeply with my spirit. Of all of that, I think that it's his normalcy that I am so comforted by. I think he's a sort of bridge for people like me, coming from a cautious conservative background, to begin to wrap their minds and hearts around this God who does such strange, amazing, creative, new, uncomfortable, unbelievable, impossible things. But, even though God has richly blessed that ministry...He has also blessed MANY other ministries that I am still not so comfy with yet. Honestly, I still cringe a little at the word "charismatic"...and a "healing revival" makes me shift uncomfortably in my seat. I still have to remind myself that it's okay to use the word "feel" when describing my experiences with God...and even that there is such a thing as "experiencing" God. Many of these ministries I'm not super comfortable with do weird things, make strange noises, they have flags and interpretive dancing, they're loud and conspicuous. One pastor, who I've always struggled with for those reasons once stood by me during a worship service and reached over and put his hand on my shoulder, and I presume prayed for me for about a minute or two. Now as weird as I may perceive this man to be, I can not deny the fact that from that moment to the end of the service, my shoulder was burning! God was in the midst of that place and that ministry!
In actuality, it's entirely likely that selling out completely to God and what He's doing in the world today, it will look foolish at times. Probably not always, but it will often. What if God asks me to start publicly, boldly praying for the sick at my workplace, at my church, on an airplane? What if He gives me a prophetic word to share with a stranger on the street...or a family member? What if I were to come upon a fatal car accident and He asks me to pray for someone to be raised from the dead? What if He asks me to go to the ends of the earth? What if He asks me to stand in front of a microphone and address a crowd of hundreds or thousands or millions? What if He asks me to dance before Him in worship? What if He asks me to get up at 2am to pray until dawn? What if He doesn't show up the way I think He will? Will I do it? Will I take the risk? Regardless of the outcome, will I risk embarrassment, failure, disappointment, rejection?
The truth is, I have heard testimonies of everyday normal Believers doing EVERY one of the things I listed above. Regular people just like me...just like you! That's the life we're meant for! Right now God is highlighting the fears that still reside in my soul and still dam up the floodgates of all He wants to do through my life. But as He gently contrasts those fears against His testimonies, I feel strength and excitement and faith and boldness and joy begin to rise - because I taste of the life I was made for! This is my journey right now...this is the work He's doing in my heart. I can't even fathom what He will accomplish in me by day 40!
Did you know that there is a healing revival happening right now in Lakeland Florida? I first heard about this several weeks ago, but only today have I sat down to check it out. Why? Don't I believe that God is all about the miraculous...have I not been telling anyone who would listen to me that I just know God is stirring up something new, something unprecedented in these days? So why does a "healing revival" still make me nervous? Anyone who has known me for about 5 minutes would know that my favorite pastor these days is Bill Johnson. I was thinking today about why he appeals to me so much. He's very mellow, calm, not dramatic or weird, he seems utterly normal. God has blessed him with such profound, deep, revelations about who God is and what He's doing these days that resonate deeply with my spirit. Of all of that, I think that it's his normalcy that I am so comforted by. I think he's a sort of bridge for people like me, coming from a cautious conservative background, to begin to wrap their minds and hearts around this God who does such strange, amazing, creative, new, uncomfortable, unbelievable, impossible things. But, even though God has richly blessed that ministry...He has also blessed MANY other ministries that I am still not so comfy with yet. Honestly, I still cringe a little at the word "charismatic"...and a "healing revival" makes me shift uncomfortably in my seat. I still have to remind myself that it's okay to use the word "feel" when describing my experiences with God...and even that there is such a thing as "experiencing" God. Many of these ministries I'm not super comfortable with do weird things, make strange noises, they have flags and interpretive dancing, they're loud and conspicuous. One pastor, who I've always struggled with for those reasons once stood by me during a worship service and reached over and put his hand on my shoulder, and I presume prayed for me for about a minute or two. Now as weird as I may perceive this man to be, I can not deny the fact that from that moment to the end of the service, my shoulder was burning! God was in the midst of that place and that ministry!
In actuality, it's entirely likely that selling out completely to God and what He's doing in the world today, it will look foolish at times. Probably not always, but it will often. What if God asks me to start publicly, boldly praying for the sick at my workplace, at my church, on an airplane? What if He gives me a prophetic word to share with a stranger on the street...or a family member? What if I were to come upon a fatal car accident and He asks me to pray for someone to be raised from the dead? What if He asks me to go to the ends of the earth? What if He asks me to stand in front of a microphone and address a crowd of hundreds or thousands or millions? What if He asks me to dance before Him in worship? What if He asks me to get up at 2am to pray until dawn? What if He doesn't show up the way I think He will? Will I do it? Will I take the risk? Regardless of the outcome, will I risk embarrassment, failure, disappointment, rejection?
The truth is, I have heard testimonies of everyday normal Believers doing EVERY one of the things I listed above. Regular people just like me...just like you! That's the life we're meant for! Right now God is highlighting the fears that still reside in my soul and still dam up the floodgates of all He wants to do through my life. But as He gently contrasts those fears against His testimonies, I feel strength and excitement and faith and boldness and joy begin to rise - because I taste of the life I was made for! This is my journey right now...this is the work He's doing in my heart. I can't even fathom what He will accomplish in me by day 40!
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